Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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