if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
