I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
not ubering you a puppy
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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