I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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