I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
