I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
