she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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