You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
