I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
