I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
