my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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