You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
