it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
