I got chris browned last night
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
