my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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