Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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