Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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