You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
