I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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