So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
