I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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