You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
