I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I deserve this hangover.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
