All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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