Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
