almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
