Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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