I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
