The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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You. Win. At. Life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
