I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
