I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Boobs speak an international language.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
