I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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