How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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