She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
