you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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