We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My dick has a subreddit
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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