I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
