Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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