Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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