I'm going to jail i love you
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
