I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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