Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
