Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Everclear isn't food dammit
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
