well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
