ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
