god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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