Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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