I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
