I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
