I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
