There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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