where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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